The Goose is Loose

My first task from my commander, LGD from insomnisquad, what is missing from the Internet?

The Internet has turned it self into the new wave of everything and I mean everything. Play games, watch TV online, find old friends and know what they are doing, find new, original, enjoyable, and gifted talent from people with a passion. The way it has become so social, so involved, so first hand, is a wonderful feeling, and has kept me entertained in ways old media and entertainment has never have, but at a cost.

The word social here has been over used. Are we really social? Yes we have certain meet ups every now and then, and have good times and post about our times on facebook and tweet about our adventures, but are we dooming our to false happiness and temporary enjoyment? Sometimes I start to wonder if I will ever fully know these people I have met online, and actually meet them and hang out with them. I’ve been plugged in since before AOL was 2.0. I’ve watched as the social aspect has transformed from mIRC, to AOHelL, to Napster, to Xanga, to Twitter. I’ve had met many amazing people that live all over the world, that my I will probably never meet.

What im trying to say I guess, is that what the Internet is missing is, face to face contact. We need to be with people. Since I have moved to Nashville, from Los Angeles, the Internet has helped me from totally losing my mind, and helped me feel not so alone and abandoned. I am grateful to know these people online, but I can only dream of hanging out with them on a daily basis.

Guso Insomnisquad, Self, Twitter, insomnia

Where to start… In reverse order sounds good.

I have successfully ended a family relationship, permanently ending all contact with them hopefully never to be hurt by them again. Likewise, as they said on there twitter. It is funny how our relationship is like Battlestar Galactica. “All this has happened before, and it will all happen again.” We argue, we forgive, we argue even more, we forgive, we argue some more and things go south, but I’m not forgiving this time.

Moving on, my parents have less faith in me as a whole then I thought. First it was the addiction to world of warcraft. I say was, because I honestly think I am not addicted to it anymore. I still play sure, but I find other ways to keep me occupied and find other means of communicating with those friends. Now, they think I’m an alcoholic because I twittered about drinking some vodka cranberry during break. Guy can’t drink I guess. Price I pay for telling family about twitter and worrying them, and man do they worry. A LOT.

In other news, I have sold a few items and pocketed the cash. I have not put it in my bank account, because I don’t want someone looking through my records again and think I’m stealing money or some other random BS.

5am, and im still awake waiting for my dad to call so I can take his car, drop him off at his job. Kind of sad that in 15 mins, my alarm will go off alerting me to wake up. /sigh

Somethings never change…

Guso Self

This was going to be me first post explaining the change of my website, but I think it would be better suited to explaining changing me, and my habits. I have become stuck in this web again of self comfort, and normalcy that I have made myself afraid of change. I am slowly starting to change all of that, by getting out of my comfort zone, and forcing myself to do things, that I wouldn’t normally do.

A friend of mine from twitter, @hasina_za, commented on facebook on why I was afraid of “happiness.” Happiness in my life, doesn’t last long and doesn’t come often. I haven’t really been happy with anything for a very long time. So long in fact I think I have forgotten how to be happy. Sure I laugh and smile at certain things, but again, it doesn’t last long. The thought of how my life is during that happy moment, destroys the positive thought. I have become so used to being a downer, I am afraid of change, therefore I am afraid of being happy, because I wouldn’t know how to handle it.

I want to be happy don’t get me wrong, I just need to get off my high horse, and BE happy regardless of how shitty my life is and has been. I have to do it. I have to stop waiting for things to happen, and just make it happen myself.

I will change myself.

Guso Self Beginning, Change

After alot of requests for me to post a “25 Things About Me,” I caved. This might also be the best reason to start blogging again. Consider this my about page.

So here are the rules:
Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note blog with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

1. I am the cleanest person at work. I don’t ever stop cleaning. Ever.
2. My apartment on the other hand…
3. I live and breathe the internet and its social aspect. I join things, even if I don’t post or use its service to the fullest.
4. I love twitter. I get so much joy from it, reading about what my friends are doing.
5. I hate twitter. I get so jealous, reading about what my friends are doing.
6. I lie everyday. No I am not ok / fine / good / or having a good day / evening.
7. I am lonely and depressed and have no social life outside of the web.
8. I don’t like trying new things alone or going out alone to events.
9. I hate standing out in a crowd
10. I hate people, but love persons (meaning once I know you, you’re ok)
11. I used to play World of Warcraft more then 50 hours a week.
12. I don’t regret a single second of it, because I have met some of my greatest friends from gaming.
13. I have tried to kill myself, more then once.
14. But like most things in my life, I chicken out and don’t ever follow through.
15. which is why I haven’t had a girlfriend since college. That was in 2001 and guess what.. it got serious, and I chickened out and ignored her forever.
16. (stealing this from Blind Prophecy)I have about 4 loads of laundry sitting in a pile on my bedroom floor and no intention of washing anything until I run out of clean underwear. It’s time to own up to the fact that I’m basically a minor slob.
17. Gargoyles is my favorite cartoon show of all time.
18. My internet gamer name is Xanatos
19. Most WoW players call me Abo though
20. Yes I know what that means… yes they know what that means… no I don’t care.
21. The only time I make my bed is after I clean it. Then its never made again.
22. I don’t like getting help with things such as getting a ride to work.
23. I used to be a very happy person to be around.
24. I feel like a failure at life.

and last

25. I am still a virgin, and don’t think that will ever change.

Guso Self, meme 25 Things, About Me, Blind Prophecy, Facebook, meme